fellowteen:

this is the most beautiful and amazing thing i have ever read in my entire life and it makes me so so happy

fellowteen:

this is the most beautiful and amazing thing i have ever read in my entire life and it makes me so so happy

(via biophilie)

hertzwhale:

pamela-jane:

I know its a little early but

Jingle Bell Rock w/ my mom

i hate being that person who comments on posts but i just want u all to know that i watch this video all the fucking time every year once it hits september bc nothing gets me more pumped for christmas than this person rocking out w/ their mom while their mom windexes a countertop

(via strawberry-whine)

pityfriend:

*jokes about dating you until it actually happens*

(via therevoltion)

thelustygiraffe:

you-pray-too-loud-pickebicke:

z-bot:

odysseiarex:

renstability:

ziraangel:

evilauthor:

indynerdgirl:

madam-cj-says-relax:

patrickat:

kaiju3:

The American Hogwarts Houses

Look at your school of witchcraft and wizardry. Now look at mine. Now yours. Now back to mine. Sadly, your school is not mine, but if you all got off your broomsticks and started using a real sorcerer’s deodorant, it could smell like mine. Abracadabra! I’m a horse.

Good. Night. I’m done.

I CAN’T STOP LAUGHING

I AM ALARMED. WHICH ONE IS THE HUFFLEPUFF ONE? THE YELLOW ONE HAS BIRDS AND THAT CONFUSES ME.

It is AMERICAN houses, Ebil. Why would one be hufflepuff? Maybe you are a fox. Cunning, smart, LOYAL. Foxes stay with one mate all their life, in loff. If that ain’t loyalty, i don’t know what is.The bear, bird, and wolf ain’t got that. Be a fox. Be strong. Be cunning. Be loyal. Be you and never let anyone crush you because while people only see cute and sneaky. You know who you are, and will not break.

Wolfthorn
Crest Animal- Timber Wolf
Colors- Blue and Silver.
Element- Water
Season- Winter
Qualities- Selflessness, Responsibility, Teamwork
Those of the Wolfthorn house value Teamwork and Selflessness over any of the other houses. Like the wolf members of this house learn to attack problems as a singular unit towards a common goal. Each member works to understand each other equally and play to each other’s strengths. In order to do so each house member must remember to serve each other and not themselves, selflessness in teamwork to keep others at the forefront of their mind is the basic key element to any collective strategy. 
House Ghost- Patient Pamuy. 
The house ghost of Wolfthorn is a Hopi woman in her late teens, once the highly revered medicine woman of her village. When the soldiers from the east came in being both Native American and a pracitioner of ‘black magic’ as the soldier, she was the first to die in her village. After a series of gruesome acts commited on her. Now she roams the halls, patiently assisting the members of her house in herbology as it was always a love of her people to be in touch with nature to heal those around her. 
Hawkridge
Crest Animal- Ferruginous Hawk
Colors- Gold and Black
Element- Air
Season- Spring
Qualities- Honesty, Intelligence, Patience
Like the hawk members of this house are patient and intelligent, always waiting for an opportunity to prove their intelligence with their brilliant plans and tactics. Like the hawk this house is sharp and quick with their wit. However, you will never have to know what these house members are thinking as they will let you know, they believe that honesty and intelligence go hand in hand since evidence and truth go hand in hand. The members of this house are very black and white and treat justice with openness. Lying and false information will get you on this house’s bad side quickly.
House Ghost- Confident Cruz
Once a proud Mestizo man in the Mexican Army, he now spends his days confidently recalling the events leading up to his death. Never failing to include each and every individual detail up until the moment of his death. He is proud that he fought for Mexico and for the land of his ancestors against white invaders. When talked to he will talk about Mexico as his proud homeland with nothing but glory and love for his home. Anytime a student has their history incorrect or twisted with the glorification of ‘settlers’ he will quickly and sternly correct them on who the invaders were, and who’s land belonged to who. He will not tolerate lies and false information of the accounts of his people and the basis for the fighting of his territory. However if asked about his military days he will more than likely start rattling off from childhood of admiring his strong father to his days as a soldier. He also enjoys teaching those who are interested in his culture and tries to get as many students interested in Dia de les Muertos. 
Foxcrest
Crest Animal- Red Fox
Colors- Red and White
Element- Fire
Season- Autumn
Qualities- Loyalty, Cunning, Resourcefulness
The cunning trickster, is what most think of when they hear of the fox. The trickster who deceives men and dogs in order to live. However, what you might not think of is loyalty a fox has one mate for their entire life and remains loyal every season even though they are apart. Like the fox members of this house pride themselves on the loyalty to their friends and family. Willing to go to any and all lengths to protect their loved ones and ensure their happiness. Members of this house are also cunning and resourceful, they will find as many ways as they can to keep their head above the water with their loved ones. Because, no one can look after their significants quite like they can. A Foxcrest will do all that they can to succeed in the name of their loved ones, and in their honor.
House Ghost- One-Eyed Jacqueline Thibodeaux.
Once a proud voodoo queen in Louisiana this woman lived with pride and loyalty to her home of Zimbabwe. After being forcibly removed from her lands, brought to Haiti, and then to Mississippi as a slave. She used not only her skill in voodoo magick to escape, but her loyalty with the other slaves on her plantation. To escape the cruelty of the plantation, her and many other slaves escaped on the underground railroad. Using both her magic and cunning she was able to escape with her friends and what remained of her family from the horrors of plantation life to Louisiana where she made a name for herself with her voodoo. Becoming a highly regarded voodoo queen she then helped those with an inclination to magick to help free her brothers and sisters trapped on plantations and then giving them refugee in her home. Soon though, news of her operation spread. Using her divination skills she found of the plot to kill her and the escaped slaves, though she could only save herself and not the newly freed men and women, or save them and not herself. She made the quick choice to save them over herself, and stood her ground where she fought tooth and nail with her magick to ensure the survival of her brothers and sisters. She however lost the fight when a white man pulled a gun and ultimate shot her in the eye by sheer dumb luck. She is both a gentle, and helpful ghost who also ensures that students are well aware of the dishonor and torture she went through in the Americas. When asked for help she always seems to know that you were going to ask for help and appears to you before you have to go and find her.
Bearglove
Crest Animal- Grizzly Bear
Colors- Green and Tan
Element- Earth
Season- Summer
Qualities- Bravery, Curiosity, Leadership
Last but certainly not least the home of the bears. Bears are not the naturally aggressive creature but however are curious and have a hierarchy amongst their species. Just like the bear members of this house are known for their fighting skills and bravery, but are also extremely curious. Members of this house exhibit leadership characterstics and always fight for the top of the chain in any event or subject they’re in. Their competitve drive can sometimes lead to hotheadedness and aggressive outbursts with the other students giving them their bear qualities. Loud, boisterous, and certainly commanding students of Bearglove do not have a hard time making a name for themselves in someway shape or form.
House Ghost- ‘Doc’ Thomas Benton
Among the house ghosts he is the most resented, due to his megalomaniac attitude and his past as a serial killer. While in medschool in the 1920’s he sought any and all information to eternal youth as the drive to be the best in his field and to never die to pass on his superior knowledge. No one knows the true nature of his evil some say it was trauma others say it lied in wait. If you ask the other house ghost they will tell you that he was evil from the start and to his very core. While he was alive he under strange circumstances became a hermit, and soon dead animals were found on his land with strange markings carved into them. And then the farmer’s daughter went missing in his town. When townspeople found him he had carved strange markings on her and was mumbling in an incorherent language before tossing her off a cliff. Everytime he’s asked about his death he gives a new story each time, about the scars on his face. The other ghosts say it was one of his evil experiments done onto himself after the town found him killing the farmer’s daughter, in an attempt to save his own life.
Location of  Lavaeudeen ,the Waverly Hills Sanitarium. 
Built in 1910 and expanded to the enormous abandoned hulk it is today in 1924, Waverly Hills Sanitarium was opened to house tuberculosis patients as an isolation hospital. Doctors at the hospital carried out painful experimental surgeries to treat the disease, often with bloody results. One surgery of last resort involved opening the chest cavity to insert balloons into the lungs and another involved removing ribs to allow the lungs to expand. As many as 64,000 people who were admitted to the hospital died there over the years, and at least one employee is reputed to have hung herself in the laundry room on the fourth floor in the 1930s. Those who passed away at Waverly Hills were moved through the morgue and out of the hospital through the body chute that led cadavers out the back out of sight of the patients. Most of the hospital, including the morgue and body chute, remain intact today.
Or so the muggles think, with this story and the appearance by use of charms to give this school an abandoned look it becomes the hot topic of muggle ghost hunters. Allowing students to use the charms they learned in school and a bit of leg room for the ghosts. Strange occurances that are reported by ghost hunters are just your magical children having a bit of fun. When the hospital was abandoned, magical folk sought out a place to teach and form the magical youth of America. Under the guise of ‘helping mental patients’ they sent letters to families with ‘peculiar’ children to save them from the horrors of the muggle insane aslyums. As these asylums phased out the school kept up with appearances and altered the charms to make the muggles see a more and more decrepit abandoned building.
Behind the Name of the School- As a tribute to America’s very own famous voodoo queen and a desire to pass on magick the school was named for Marie Lavaeu

 #watch me actually buy this fucking deodorant cause of this      (ohhhvienna)

I don’t know what’s more mind-boggling: that someone wrote Harry Potter/Old Spice CROSSOVER FIC, or that I actually want to RP this.

I would seriously write a fanfic of this if I could ever manage to actually write ANYTHING that I plan out. This is awesome! xD

This got better.

thelustygiraffe:

you-pray-too-loud-pickebicke:

z-bot:

odysseiarex:

renstability:

ziraangel:

evilauthor:

indynerdgirl:

madam-cj-says-relax:

patrickat:

kaiju3:

The American Hogwarts Houses

Look at your school of witchcraft and wizardry. Now look at mine. Now yours. Now back to mine. Sadly, your school is not mine, but if you all got off your broomsticks and started using a real sorcerer’s deodorant, it could smell like mine. Abracadabra! I’m a horse.

Good. Night. I’m done.

I CAN’T STOP LAUGHING

I AM ALARMED. WHICH ONE IS THE HUFFLEPUFF ONE? THE YELLOW ONE HAS BIRDS AND THAT CONFUSES ME.

It is AMERICAN houses, Ebil. Why would one be hufflepuff? Maybe you are a fox. Cunning, smart, LOYAL. Foxes stay with one mate all their life, in loff. If that ain’t loyalty, i don’t know what is.

The bear, bird, and wolf ain’t got that. Be a fox. Be strong. Be cunning. Be loyal. Be you and never let anyone crush you because while people only see cute and sneaky. You know who you are, and will not break.

Wolfthorn

Crest Animal- Timber Wolf

Colors- Blue and Silver.

Element- Water

Season- Winter

Qualities- Selflessness, Responsibility, Teamwork

Those of the Wolfthorn house value Teamwork and Selflessness over any of the other houses. Like the wolf members of this house learn to attack problems as a singular unit towards a common goal. Each member works to understand each other equally and play to each other’s strengths. In order to do so each house member must remember to serve each other and not themselves, selflessness in teamwork to keep others at the forefront of their mind is the basic key element to any collective strategy. 

House Ghost- Patient Pamuy. 

The house ghost of Wolfthorn is a Hopi woman in her late teens, once the highly revered medicine woman of her village. When the soldiers from the east came in being both Native American and a pracitioner of ‘black magic’ as the soldier, she was the first to die in her village. After a series of gruesome acts commited on her. Now she roams the halls, patiently assisting the members of her house in herbology as it was always a love of her people to be in touch with nature to heal those around her. 

Hawkridge

Crest Animal- Ferruginous Hawk

Colors- Gold and Black

Element- Air

Season- Spring

Qualities- Honesty, Intelligence, Patience

Like the hawk members of this house are patient and intelligent, always waiting for an opportunity to prove their intelligence with their brilliant plans and tactics. Like the hawk this house is sharp and quick with their wit. However, you will never have to know what these house members are thinking as they will let you know, they believe that honesty and intelligence go hand in hand since evidence and truth go hand in hand. The members of this house are very black and white and treat justice with openness. Lying and false information will get you on this house’s bad side quickly.

House Ghost- Confident Cruz

Once a proud Mestizo man in the Mexican Army, he now spends his days confidently recalling the events leading up to his death. Never failing to include each and every individual detail up until the moment of his death. He is proud that he fought for Mexico and for the land of his ancestors against white invaders. When talked to he will talk about Mexico as his proud homeland with nothing but glory and love for his home. Anytime a student has their history incorrect or twisted with the glorification of ‘settlers’ he will quickly and sternly correct them on who the invaders were, and who’s land belonged to who. He will not tolerate lies and false information of the accounts of his people and the basis for the fighting of his territory. However if asked about his military days he will more than likely start rattling off from childhood of admiring his strong father to his days as a soldier. He also enjoys teaching those who are interested in his culture and tries to get as many students interested in Dia de les Muertos. 

Foxcrest

Crest Animal- Red Fox

Colors- Red and White

Element- Fire

Season- Autumn

Qualities- Loyalty, Cunning, Resourcefulness

The cunning trickster, is what most think of when they hear of the fox. The trickster who deceives men and dogs in order to live. However, what you might not think of is loyalty a fox has one mate for their entire life and remains loyal every season even though they are apart. Like the fox members of this house pride themselves on the loyalty to their friends and family. Willing to go to any and all lengths to protect their loved ones and ensure their happiness. Members of this house are also cunning and resourceful, they will find as many ways as they can to keep their head above the water with their loved ones. Because, no one can look after their significants quite like they can. A Foxcrest will do all that they can to succeed in the name of their loved ones, and in their honor.

House Ghost- One-Eyed Jacqueline Thibodeaux.

Once a proud voodoo queen in Louisiana this woman lived with pride and loyalty to her home of Zimbabwe. After being forcibly removed from her lands, brought to Haiti, and then to Mississippi as a slave. She used not only her skill in voodoo magick to escape, but her loyalty with the other slaves on her plantation. To escape the cruelty of the plantation, her and many other slaves escaped on the underground railroad. Using both her magic and cunning she was able to escape with her friends and what remained of her family from the horrors of plantation life to Louisiana where she made a name for herself with her voodoo. Becoming a highly regarded voodoo queen she then helped those with an inclination to magick to help free her brothers and sisters trapped on plantations and then giving them refugee in her home. Soon though, news of her operation spread. Using her divination skills she found of the plot to kill her and the escaped slaves, though she could only save herself and not the newly freed men and women, or save them and not herself. She made the quick choice to save them over herself, and stood her ground where she fought tooth and nail with her magick to ensure the survival of her brothers and sisters. She however lost the fight when a white man pulled a gun and ultimate shot her in the eye by sheer dumb luck. She is both a gentle, and helpful ghost who also ensures that students are well aware of the dishonor and torture she went through in the Americas. When asked for help she always seems to know that you were going to ask for help and appears to you before you have to go and find her.

Bearglove

Crest Animal- Grizzly Bear

Colors- Green and Tan

Element- Earth

Season- Summer

Qualities- Bravery, Curiosity, Leadership

Last but certainly not least the home of the bears. Bears are not the naturally aggressive creature but however are curious and have a hierarchy amongst their species. Just like the bear members of this house are known for their fighting skills and bravery, but are also extremely curious. Members of this house exhibit leadership characterstics and always fight for the top of the chain in any event or subject they’re in. Their competitve drive can sometimes lead to hotheadedness and aggressive outbursts with the other students giving them their bear qualities. Loud, boisterous, and certainly commanding students of Bearglove do not have a hard time making a name for themselves in someway shape or form.

House Ghost- ‘Doc’ Thomas Benton

Among the house ghosts he is the most resented, due to his megalomaniac attitude and his past as a serial killer. While in medschool in the 1920’s he sought any and all information to eternal youth as the drive to be the best in his field and to never die to pass on his superior knowledge. No one knows the true nature of his evil some say it was trauma others say it lied in wait. If you ask the other house ghost they will tell you that he was evil from the start and to his very core. While he was alive he under strange circumstances became a hermit, and soon dead animals were found on his land with strange markings carved into them. And then the farmer’s daughter went missing in his town. When townspeople found him he had carved strange markings on her and was mumbling in an incorherent language before tossing her off a cliff. Everytime he’s asked about his death he gives a new story each time, about the scars on his face. The other ghosts say it was one of his evil experiments done onto himself after the town found him killing the farmer’s daughter, in an attempt to save his own life.

Location of  Lavaeudeen ,the Waverly Hills Sanitarium. 

Built in 1910 and expanded to the enormous abandoned hulk it is today in 1924, Waverly Hills Sanitarium was opened to house tuberculosis patients as an isolation hospital. Doctors at the hospital carried out painful experimental surgeries to treat the disease, often with bloody results. One surgery of last resort involved opening the chest cavity to insert balloons into the lungs and another involved removing ribs to allow the lungs to expand. As many as 64,000 people who were admitted to the hospital died there over the years, and at least one employee is reputed to have hung herself in the laundry room on the fourth floor in the 1930s. Those who passed away at Waverly Hills were moved through the morgue and out of the hospital through the body chute that led cadavers out the back out of sight of the patients. Most of the hospital, including the morgue and body chute, remain intact today.

Or so the muggles think, with this story and the appearance by use of charms to give this school an abandoned look it becomes the hot topic of muggle ghost hunters. Allowing students to use the charms they learned in school and a bit of leg room for the ghosts. Strange occurances that are reported by ghost hunters are just your magical children having a bit of fun. When the hospital was abandoned, magical folk sought out a place to teach and form the magical youth of America. Under the guise of ‘helping mental patients’ they sent letters to families with ‘peculiar’ children to save them from the horrors of the muggle insane aslyums. As these asylums phased out the school kept up with appearances and altered the charms to make the muggles see a more and more decrepit abandoned building.

Behind the Name of the School- As a tribute to America’s very own famous voodoo queen and a desire to pass on magick the school was named for Marie Lavaeu

 #watch me actually buy this fucking deodorant cause of this      (ohhhvienna)

I don’t know what’s more mind-boggling: that someone wrote Harry Potter/Old Spice CROSSOVER FIC, or that I actually want to RP this.

I would seriously write a fanfic of this if I could ever manage to actually write ANYTHING that I plan out. This is awesome! xD

This got better.

(via pandypancakes)

accioharo:

Yeah that’s great and all, but look at this official picture of Mochimerica with star nipple pasties. 

image

(via therevoltion)

lexlifts:

puukani:

The Waitressing Chronicles: Wherein Dani does not refill your soda 20 times just because she thinks it’s SO MUCH FUN.

Tonight was one of the worst kinds of nights you can have in the restaurant industry. It was a pretty busy Saturday night, the kitchen was running smoothly, my coworkers and I were coexisting peacefully, and 99% of my tables were awesome, and I really had fun serving them. (Yes, I did say ‘worst’. I’m getting to that part, hold on….).

Some of them were a little needy, but after you’ve served for a few years, you start developing a sort of spidy-sense about which guests are going to require 30 diet coke refills, 5 servings of chips and salsa and roughly 2 gallons of ranch before they even crack there menus open (seriously…I think some people have such an addiction to ranch, that if it isn’t constantly on their table, regardless of the presence of any other actual food, they start to develop anxiety. Some people need to carry around EPI pens in case of emergency….I carry around ranch dressing. You’re welcome), so I was prepared. Even my needy tables didn’t rattle me too much this evening.

Generally speaking, all of the components necessary for a pretty kick-ass shift were present and accounted for.

And then my tables started cashing out. 10%tip, 5% tip, no tip, no tip, 10%….20%, FINALLY! Oh…wait…they didn’t do their math correctly, that’s actually only a $2 tip. Wonderful.

My enthusiasm for my job and my shift plummeted rapidly and I was ready to stuff my hot towel in my apron and go home faster than the cheapskate at table 7 could say “Keep the Change” as he handed me $40 for his $38.64 tab.

Some people just genuinely don’t know any better, and I recognize that. Sometimes I’m a little off my game, and I fully own up to that as well. But tonight was not one of those nights. I was on point…and I’m good at what I do.

So let me deviate a little bit from my normal Chronicling to give something of a PSA on behalf of waitstaff everywhere.

80% of servers make under minimum wage. This is a fact. A miserable, lamentable fact. The hourly wages that our employers provide are essentially just so that the government has something to take as far as immediate taxes on our tip money, and we don’t get slammed with having to pay it all back at once in April. Our “paychecks”, therefore, are usually somewhere in the neighborhood of $30. If that. It’s a pretty crummy system, and believe me when I say that we’d probably rather be making a steady and reliable hourly wage instead of depending on tips, but unfortunately that’s not the society we live in.

So. Your tip. How much do you tip, and who gets it?

A lot of that depends on the restaurant you’re in. Look around you. Do you see hosts and hostesses? Is there a bartender? A busser? If any/all of these people are present, rest assured that your server does not get to keep all of their tips.

We “tip out” to all of the other support staff (busser, host, QA expo, bartender, etc.) at the end of every shift. The amount of money we tip out to these staff is determined, not by how much money we make, but by how much we’ve sold. For example, at Chilis, I tip out 3% of my total sales at the end of the night. (So if I sold $100 worth of food and drinks, my tip out would be $3. Last night, I had $1100 in sales, and had to leave behind $33).

What does this mean? This means, that if you don’t leave a tip, or only leave $1 or $2 (assuming your total tab wasn’t $10.) your server actually loses money on your table. We still have to pay taxes and tip out based on the amount of food YOU ordered, not to mention that you sat there, and took up one of my tables for 2 hours, which I could easily have flipped twice in that time had you not felt the need to camp out and then leave me $2 (I’M TALKING TO YOU, TABLE 36.)

It pretty much boils down to this: a 10% tip is the bare minimum. It means mediocre service, and relates a relatively neutral - bordering on negative message to your server about how they did their job.  15% indicates that you’re content and happy, and your server was proficient at taking care of you. 20% is excellent. Excellent food, excellent service, excellent everything. That’s how we read your tips.

Also, you can basically write whatever you want in the tip line. If your total bill was $45.67, and you write in a $5,000 tip, and then write “$45.67” on the total line, and sign it…..guess how much I’m authorized to charge your card for? That’s right. $45.67. So please (PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE) double check your math when you’re totaling out your bill. I lost no less than $27 in tips last night simply because people couldn’t Math correctly.  Perhaps ranch dressing in excess has an adverse affect on people’s ability to do basic arithmetic. Or perhaps it’s a complication of margarita-induced brain freezes. Either way. It sucks. Please don’t suck.

Tipping is not optional, and it is not a privilege for the server. Back in the day, it probably was, but unfortunately, that’s no longer the case. When you sit down at a restaurant there is an unspoken understanding between you and your server. It’s their responsibility to make sure you have a stellar, enjoyable and relaxing meal, and it’s your responsibility to make sure they can afford to pay their rent. And before you start in on me (because I can hear the rumbling of offended restaurant goers from here, like distant thunder…calm yourselves, beasts!) about how entitled you are to not-tip, let me tell you now, honey child, I’ve heard every retort in the book.

"Your restaurant should pay you better, that’s not my fault" - Well. Yes. I agree. But they don’t. So it sucks for both of us. But until it’s announced that tipping is no longer needed in the service industry, the burden of determining my “paycheck”falls on you Trust me, I’m not happy about it either.

"You should just be happy that I left anything at all." - If your tip was in addition to the $10/hr my restaurant was paying me, you bet your left shoe I’d be happy for any little bit you wanted to throw my way. But they don’t. And I know you know that, faithful restaurant eater. So when you walk out, leaving me $3 after having waited on your family of 6’s $130 meal, I’m going to interpret that as a direct and intentional personal insult. You may have thought you were coming out on top by not leaving the appropriate $13-$26 that your bill merited, but really now you’re just a dick. And I can promise you that every server who was working that night will know about it. Good luck getting chipper service next time you try to come to our restaurant. We remember.

"Tips are dependent upon how well you do. That’s what TIPS means. ‘To Insure Proper Service." - I almost don’t even want to respond to this one, but unfortunately it’s a very popular notion. First off, lemme just lay it out there that if you believe this, you’re a dumbass. For multiple reasons. If that acronym was in fact true, they would be called “teps” (to…ENSURE….proper service. English, for the win!) and you would give them to be at the beginning on the meal. Because that’s what “to ensure proper service” implies. How comfortable would you be if you had to tip your server at the beginning of the meal, knowing full well that you had to sit there for the next 45 - 60 minutes facing the person you just handed $2 as you ask for 3 more sides of Barbeque sauce, a 5th coke and some ranch.(Just because of reasons. Everyone needs ranch. ) You’d probably be a little uncomfortable, wouldn’t you? You’d probably shell out a lot more were that the case, wouldn’t you? How great is it for you that you get to demand special ordered food and request exactly 45 napkins one at a time from your server and then immediately slip away into the night after leaving your server $1.63. You’re such a champ, a real stand-up type of person. I hope your kids leave legos in the hallway tonight, and you step on three of them as you stumble to the bathroom at 3am.

"Why don’t you just get a real job. You’re choosing this lifestyle" - Whoa buddy, whoa. Did you really just say that to me? Let’s rewind this a little bit. I’m on my feet, running, squatting, lifting trays, clearing dishes, entertaining table after table, pretending to love being regaled by the intricacies of your oh-so-fascinating life and reassuring you that your baby IS the most adorable baby I’ve ever seen for 6-10 hours a day. Usually, unless I have time to take a bathroom break (please note that I didn’t say “need” to take a bathroom break. If. I. Have. Time.) , the first time I get to sit down after walking through those doors and clocking in is when I get back in my car to go home at the end of the night. Someone please tell me how that’s not a “real” job? Or how it’s any less “real” than your 9-5 office job? I bet that desk chair does a real number on your lower back. Your office manager should really look into providing you with the lumbar support you deserve. Please, tell me more about it as I stand at your table side balancing 30lbs of dishes on one hand that you seem to be oblivious to, as you continue to complain about your cushy job.

   You have a valid point though, in that I did choose this job. For me, personally, I know that waiting tables is only temporary. The tips I earn go towards food, gas, insurance, cell phone, car payments, my gym membership, student loans, text books and other basic life-needs (shampoo is expensive ommgggg). I’m also trying to save up so I can afford to move to New York after I finish my Master’s Degree. I’ve got a lot on my plate, but not nearly as much as some of the other wonderful people I work with. Take, for example, the 20 year old single mother of 2 who was in the section next to mine last night. I’m not sure if she finished high school or not, but her kids are her life now. She started waiting tables at 16 so that she could afford to buy diapers and formula every night before she went home. Waiting tables isn’t just her “get me through school” job. It’s her career. It’s how she feeds her kids. So go ahead, leave her no tip on your $120 check, table 23. I hope that pasta you inhaled gives you heartburn. And she’s not the only one. Every single server in any restaurant you eat in is at your mercy to provide for themselves and their family. That is the responsibility you sign up for when you walk into a dine-in restaurant. It is an unfortunate part of American culture.

Don’t like it? Go to a drive-through. That’s what they’re there for. Better yet….stay home. Cook for yourself.

If you can’t afford to tip, you can’t afford to eat out. I know that sounds harsh, but it’s completely true.

Thank you to those of you who are awesome. Awesome people and fun tables actually make this a pretty kickass job a lot of the time. Keep up the awesome. If you doubt your level of restaurant awesome, never fear! It’s totally something you can build up over time, kind of like distance running or heavy lifting. Baby steps. You’ll get there.

If you can’t afford to tip don’t go out to eat. This is simple. 10 dollars is usually my minimum. People think that’s too high, I think they’re too fucking cheap. We all know 10 dollars isn’t shit, and I think if a person took about 1 hr to serve me food and cater to me they deserve some damn money for it. Just seriously, tip your servers! My friend literally won’t tip at all, she finds something to bitch about and then will harass the server and whatnot. Needless to say I don’t go out with her ever.

(via strawberry-whine)

wobbufetts:

aidn:

how the hell do i talk to people

Stand in front of them and press A

(via birdstiality)

annie-leonhardts-ass:

Did you ever just feel so lucky for knowing someone you met online?
Like.. I was one click away from not following you. I was one second away from never even knowing of your existence. 
I would never have been this happy. 

(via flammentanzerin)

fefeferi:

when youre in a fandom that is known for being fucking annoying and youre ashamed of it but you still like the thing

image

(via birdstiality)