prokopetz:

This is the one time of year that I love wasps.
Not because the wasps themselves get any nicer. They’re horrid little creatures year round. No, it’s because I have a couple of big apple trees out back, and late August, early September is when the apples start ripening.
Now, if you don’t harvest your own fruit, there are two things you need to know about apples.
The first thing you need to know about apples is that, when apples get ripe, they tend to fall from the tree at the slightest breeze.
I often work late at the office; by the time I get home, there are piles of apples scattered everywhere - and sure enough, the wasps are out in force, gorging themselves on the fruit. When I go to clean up the windfallen apples, the wasps naturally do the “rawr, I’ma fuck you up!” routine for which wasps are known.
The second thing you need to know about apples is that they ferment very rapidly in the late August heat.
So: the wasps try to come at me, but they’re too drunk to fly. They get about an inch off the ground, then faceplant directly into the turf, flip over onto their backs, and lay there, legs twitching in the air as they try in vain to find something to sting.
Perhaps I’m a man of simple pleasures, but I bust up laughing every. single. time.
Fucking wasps.

prokopetz:

This is the one time of year that I love wasps.

Not because the wasps themselves get any nicer. They’re horrid little creatures year round. No, it’s because I have a couple of big apple trees out back, and late August, early September is when the apples start ripening.

Now, if you don’t harvest your own fruit, there are two things you need to know about apples.

The first thing you need to know about apples is that, when apples get ripe, they tend to fall from the tree at the slightest breeze.

I often work late at the office; by the time I get home, there are piles of apples scattered everywhere - and sure enough, the wasps are out in force, gorging themselves on the fruit. When I go to clean up the windfallen apples, the wasps naturally do the “rawr, I’ma fuck you up!” routine for which wasps are known.

The second thing you need to know about apples is that they ferment very rapidly in the late August heat.

So: the wasps try to come at me, but they’re too drunk to fly. They get about an inch off the ground, then faceplant directly into the turf, flip over onto their backs, and lay there, legs twitching in the air as they try in vain to find something to sting.

Perhaps I’m a man of simple pleasures, but I bust up laughing every. single. time.

Fucking wasps.

(via birdstiality)

zquidward:

today i watched a roomba scoot through the open door of a nearby bakery and onward to freedom as a panicked cleaning crew chased after it. all hail the robot uprising

(via exinspired)

dualpaperbags:

Now you too can play along with Yuri Bingo at home

dualpaperbags:

Now you too can play along with Yuri Bingo at home

(via baconflag)

orcasoup:

bumbleshark:

did you know that the cast and crew of the movie Jaws became horrified at the results of their movie? fucking horrified at the mass hysteria they had caused

not only that, peter benchley regretted writing the original novel right up until his death, and spent his final years trying to raise awareness and reverse the impact jaws had on people’s perception of sharks, which his wife continues today

(via larissafae)

officerlampshade:

welcome to night vale Facebook wins all the awards

officerlampshade:

welcome to night vale Facebook wins all the awards

(via therevoltion)

grammantha:

im on google street view in norway and theres a reindeer on the side of the road and they blurred out its face 

(via deusvolt)

dekutree:

where the fuck is the bartender

(via napalm9)